Dear LiveJournal,
I thought it would be a good idea to back up a bit before my next episode and tell you a little bit about what has happened in the game so far. The game opens with the serene calmness of DK Island (an island in the shape of DK's head, totally realistic) being interrupted by the ever approaching boat or ship or moving fucking mountain that is K. Rool's (bad guy) hideout. Before K. Rool can do any real damage, they hit a rock and his boat breaks down. So they move to Plan B and capture all the Kongs and steal the Golden Banana hoard...and scatter them to the wind. The game starts and you play as Donkey Kong, who has just discovered that his banana hoard was stolen and his friends are gone. You have to do a bunch of really boring shit that constitutes as a tutorial. You could argue that you didn't need a tutorial, but since you have to use every fucking button and every combination of buttons on the N64 controller, I suppose it was needed. After you complete the training session, you have to visit Cranky (DK's grandfather, and rumored original Donkey Kong who has turned mad scientist?) and you receive a potion that allows you to ground pound the green switches, lifting the gate so you could exit.
Wait a second. So this is Donkey Kong's island right? Like the whole thing is in the shape of his fucking head. So why in the hell is there a gate blocking DK in, so he can't venture out onto the rest of the island and the rest of the world? Why is he stuck in that little area where his tree house is? Has it always been there and Cranky was keeping him prisoner? Or did the Kremlings put that gate there, but with a convenient switch pad that DK could possibly ground pound one day? I already have a bad feeling about this.
First things first, you have to head over to the only area that's open, a floating prison cage thing that's attached to K. Rool's ship. Turns out he was keeping a giant lizard named K. Lumsy locked inside because he wouldn't fuck up shit. He asks you for help and you agree to collect the 8 keys that is needed to unlock his cage. He's so overjoyed that you'll help him that he starts jumping around and causes a minor earthquake and busts down the rock wall, revealing the first level, Jungle Japes.
So now that you're in the first level, let the collectathon begin! I remember hearing that DK64 held the Guinness World Records for the largest amount of collectibles a game has ever had. That was back in 2008, and I'm not sure if any other game takes it's place. But let's break down everything you have to get.
5 Different Kongs to play as
9 Levels Total
Of the 7 levels you must collect:
Golden Bananas - 25 on each level, plus 26 in the overworld, that's 201 total
Regular Bananas - 100 for each Kong on each level, that's 3500 total
Blue Prints - 5 on each level, plus 5 in overworld, that's 40 total
Banana Medals - get these for collecting at least 75 regular bananas, 5 on each level, that's 35 total
Banana Fairies - 2 on each level, plus 4 in the overworld, plus 2 in the least level, total 20
Crowns - total of 10
Keys - total of 8
Nintendo Coin - total of 1
Rareware Coin - total of 1
That's already 3816 things that you have to collect and that doesn't include all the extra refill stuff like ammo, orange grenades, crystal coconuts, banana film, regular coins (total of 949) and the multi-colored coins. Plus you have to visit Candy's music shop and get everyone an instrument, and visit Funky and get everyone guns, and also visit Cranky and get everyone potions so they can upgrade their weapons/moves. If you haven't noticed, IT'S A LOT OF SHIT!
But honestly it doesn't really bother me. It seems a little overwhelming when it's grouped together like this, but I like collecting things. There I said it! When I was a kid I collected all kinds of crap - rocks, stickers, books, horse figures, bugs, etc. And even as an adult I still collect things - National Geographics, postcards, Sailor Moon stuff, and vinyl records. In fact I think I like this game because you have to collect stuff. Plus it's just so fucking cool, I mean you get play as a monkey and beat the shit out of lizards and just have a good time. And who doesn't like to have a good time?
I think for the sake of length, I'll end this entry here and pick up next discussing the first levels. I intend (and this is a big maybe) to beat the game with 101% and luckily I have The Official Gorilla Guide from Nintendo Power for Donkey Kong 64 as a helper. I can't wait to play more!
Your Friend,
Brittany Saturn
*If you wanna catch the live stream, check out https://www.twitch.tv/halfemptyenergytank/ every Thursday 7-10pm EST. You can check out my YouTube show, Dear Diary anytime by going to https://www.youtube.com/HalfEmptyEnergyTank *
I thought it would be a good idea to back up a bit before my next episode and tell you a little bit about what has happened in the game so far. The game opens with the serene calmness of DK Island (an island in the shape of DK's head, totally realistic) being interrupted by the ever approaching boat or ship or moving fucking mountain that is K. Rool's (bad guy) hideout. Before K. Rool can do any real damage, they hit a rock and his boat breaks down. So they move to Plan B and capture all the Kongs and steal the Golden Banana hoard...and scatter them to the wind. The game starts and you play as Donkey Kong, who has just discovered that his banana hoard was stolen and his friends are gone. You have to do a bunch of really boring shit that constitutes as a tutorial. You could argue that you didn't need a tutorial, but since you have to use every fucking button and every combination of buttons on the N64 controller, I suppose it was needed. After you complete the training session, you have to visit Cranky (DK's grandfather, and rumored original Donkey Kong who has turned mad scientist?) and you receive a potion that allows you to ground pound the green switches, lifting the gate so you could exit.
Wait a second. So this is Donkey Kong's island right? Like the whole thing is in the shape of his fucking head. So why in the hell is there a gate blocking DK in, so he can't venture out onto the rest of the island and the rest of the world? Why is he stuck in that little area where his tree house is? Has it always been there and Cranky was keeping him prisoner? Or did the Kremlings put that gate there, but with a convenient switch pad that DK could possibly ground pound one day? I already have a bad feeling about this.
First things first, you have to head over to the only area that's open, a floating prison cage thing that's attached to K. Rool's ship. Turns out he was keeping a giant lizard named K. Lumsy locked inside because he wouldn't fuck up shit. He asks you for help and you agree to collect the 8 keys that is needed to unlock his cage. He's so overjoyed that you'll help him that he starts jumping around and causes a minor earthquake and busts down the rock wall, revealing the first level, Jungle Japes.
So now that you're in the first level, let the collectathon begin! I remember hearing that DK64 held the Guinness World Records for the largest amount of collectibles a game has ever had. That was back in 2008, and I'm not sure if any other game takes it's place. But let's break down everything you have to get.
5 Different Kongs to play as
9 Levels Total
Of the 7 levels you must collect:
Golden Bananas - 25 on each level, plus 26 in the overworld, that's 201 total
Regular Bananas - 100 for each Kong on each level, that's 3500 total
Blue Prints - 5 on each level, plus 5 in overworld, that's 40 total
Banana Medals - get these for collecting at least 75 regular bananas, 5 on each level, that's 35 total
Banana Fairies - 2 on each level, plus 4 in the overworld, plus 2 in the least level, total 20
Crowns - total of 10
Keys - total of 8
Nintendo Coin - total of 1
Rareware Coin - total of 1
That's already 3816 things that you have to collect and that doesn't include all the extra refill stuff like ammo, orange grenades, crystal coconuts, banana film, regular coins (total of 949) and the multi-colored coins. Plus you have to visit Candy's music shop and get everyone an instrument, and visit Funky and get everyone guns, and also visit Cranky and get everyone potions so they can upgrade their weapons/moves. If you haven't noticed, IT'S A LOT OF SHIT!
But honestly it doesn't really bother me. It seems a little overwhelming when it's grouped together like this, but I like collecting things. There I said it! When I was a kid I collected all kinds of crap - rocks, stickers, books, horse figures, bugs, etc. And even as an adult I still collect things - National Geographics, postcards, Sailor Moon stuff, and vinyl records. In fact I think I like this game because you have to collect stuff. Plus it's just so fucking cool, I mean you get play as a monkey and beat the shit out of lizards and just have a good time. And who doesn't like to have a good time?
I think for the sake of length, I'll end this entry here and pick up next discussing the first levels. I intend (and this is a big maybe) to beat the game with 101% and luckily I have The Official Gorilla Guide from Nintendo Power for Donkey Kong 64 as a helper. I can't wait to play more!
Your Friend,
Brittany Saturn
*If you wanna catch the live stream, check out https://www.twitch.tv/halfemptyenergytank/ every Thursday 7-10pm EST. You can check out my YouTube show, Dear Diary anytime by going to https://www.youtube.com/HalfEmptyEnergyTank *
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